Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Shutting down has begun



I have what feels like is the worst thing in the world to have. I have bipolar. It makes my life million times harder than what I would like it to be. It turns my world upside constantly! I get so angry that I take it out on my family and friends but mostly my family. Its gotten so bad that my family wants nothing to do with me. It doesn't help when they don't have any faith in me which makes me think why I am even living. I am giving up hope. I am shutting down once again. Letting myself fail in school, losing the happiness/alive feeling I usually have, and just feeling that there is nothing left.


I leave for college in 8 months and I can't wait but I never thought I would have made it this far three years ago. Hell, three years ago, I didn't even think I would be alive. I am pushing myself as hard as I can to not give up and to not let the depression through. So far, I have been strong but I can't always be strong. No one can always be strong besides God. I know I should put all my faith and trust into him but its hard to do when you are at the bottom and you can't get up on your own. I feel like I am stuck at the bottom of the well and I can't reach the rope to help me out and to be free. Then, more ropes appear. Some long some short... No matter what I can't reach it. I can't get out! Free me!


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